We were heading for divorce when
In this posts I am very vulnerable. Please don’t judge me or make mean comments below. I wrote this blog to help others that are struggling in their marriage. Thank you.
Do you believe that God wants to help you heal your marriage? If you have been praying for this, don’t give up. I am telling you to hang in there because it is worth it. I am not a counselor and don’t claim to be. I just want to tell you my story and how my marriage was healed by the grace of God. If you are in an abusive relationship you should see a counselor to be advised on what to do.
Let me start from the beginning.
When I was a teenager I had my first child and never married my son’s father. Years later I met my husband. He had been married and divorced for about 7 years prior to us meeting. We combined our family, his son 9 and my son 8. Combining our family was hard. We should of gone to counseling to learn how to cope with the problems that arose. Instead we depended on ourselves instead of God.
Was it too late?
We finally decided to go to counseling. At this point we had waited too late. I had high expectations for my husband. I expected him to know what my needs were and for him to fulfill them. When he couldn’t figure them out on his own I became selfishly angry. We tended to side with our own child when they were fighting. We weren’t in unison with anything.
At this point I decided it was time to separate. I moved about 4 hours away. We tried once a month visiting each other until my husband said either you come home or let’s get a divorce. He quit talking to me.
All of my dreams of a “perfect” marriage was gone!
I was upset, scared and stubborn. What do I do now. All of my dreams of a “perfect” marriage was gone! I questioned myself, “What did I do wrong”?
Later that day I was watching the 700 Club (which I neeever watch) and something happened. They were saying that if you are separated then you should work things out. I started talking to God saying, “Who me? I just tried working this out God and look what happened. We messed things up. My husband doesn’t understand my needs, I control him by making him feel guilty, etc.. What good could possibly come out of this”?
Deuteronomy 31:8 – The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
We were heading for divorce when God showed up.
I started praying and calling out to God for help! I told God that I would obey Him and go home. I also asked Him for forgiveness. I started praying that God would change me. I needed to know what I was doing wrong that might have made him react to me the way he did. So I got down on my knees and prayed for God to reveal what I needed to change. God revealed it to me quickly! Boy did He reveal it to me. I had a list of things that I needed to change. Here I thought my husband was in the wrong (which he played a part) but I had to change myself too. I took 2 things at a time to focus on so I didn’t get overwhelmed. Finally I was feeling like I was doing something right.
1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Our next step
Next I started praying for my husband. God started softening my heart. I started seeing the good in my husband. He is patient with me, he is good at calming me down, he is tender, he is trustworthy and content with little. My husband loves me unconditionally. He knows how to confront me gently when showing me what is right, he is funny, giving and kind. Now, I want you to understand that he hasn’t always been this way. God has changed him and has made him into the man that he intended him to be. God has also changed me. As we grew closer to God, we grew closer to each other. I have fallen completely in love with him again. It is better than I could of imagined. Now don’t get me wrong, we still have issues in our marriage. We just disagree in a different way. We still have arguments but it’s now like it was before. I fight through prayer now. I made a prayer journal and this is what I did. I started writing down a prayer that I had for my husband. Each day I prayed for my husband and added new things to pray for him. He had no idea that I had been doing this. I love my husband so much! My husband is worth fighting for and so is your husband He jokes and says he gets to be right a few days of the year (on his birthday). I need to work on that, ha ha.
We extended our family.
Our family grew. We tried for years to get pregnant and finally had a girl. Later we become foster parents and adopted a girl. Find out about our adoption here.
Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Rekindle your marriage
Last but not least, go out on dates with your husband. You both deserve this and need to keep the fire alive. Mark on your calendar the date night and stick with it. Once or twice a month is a good number to shoot for. If you don’t have family to watch them, then barter with someone. You can pay a babysitter or ask friends or family to help out. If you can’t afford to go do something then get creative and go cheap.
Phillipians 4:6 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Things to help your marriage:
- Pray to God that you and your husband strive to be more like God
- Pray for God to reveal what you need to change
- Go out on dates with your husband
- Don’t talk bad about your husband
- Dress up for him
- Listen before you talk – Tame the tongue
- Do things for your husband
- Read the Bible daily
- Pray with your husband
- Seek godly counsel if you have to
This is us:
This is a real picture of me and my husband.
This is God’s fight not yours. When we fight with our husband then we loose. I am tired of loosing. Give it to God and watch Him work.
I still continue to pray for my marriage. Satan is here to tear our marriages apart. You will go through good and bad times. We as Christians are not promised an easy life once you accept Christ. We are promised that God is our refuge when our life is not easy (Psalm 46:1-11). He is there to walk with us to help get us through. If life was easy once we accepted Christ then there would be no need for God anymore. We need Him and He is there for us always!
I would love to hear you story. If you have a success story let me know. Also, if you are in the midst of hurting, you can leave a comment below so I can pray for you.
*EDIT: I talk about if your husband is a believer that God can do anything. I also believe that even if your husband isn’t a believer that God can work miracles.